Oly Cumpian | Body Liberation and Respectful Eating Coach

As I reflect on my life and why I am who I am today, I often think about moments that have shaped me or made me shift in a different direction. I have four breakthroughs I would really like to share with you with the intention to open for reflection and consciously pinpoint what have been the times of your life that have help you to get to know you better… some people call them quantum moments.

Breakthrough #1

I don’t often talk about this one, but I think about it often… When I was 17, I was getting ready for my first year of college coming up that same fall. It was a big move for me, moving to a new city, on my own, to a private college my family didn’t have money for but that I had managed to get a full scholarship for. My last two years in high school had been full of knocking on doors looking for opportunities to get to my dream college, studying, extracurricular activities, and yes, also lots of fun. I was full of dreams of how I could change the world. I felt powerful and my spirits were high, I didn’t take no for an answer. I smiled and laughed A LOT; it was a really happy time as I started to feel more independent.

Also, I was in love, my first love, we had been dating for about 3 years by the time I had to leave town, he was a few years older and already going to college.

As I was full of plans for what was coming and so over the moon for not only having been accepted to the school but getting the scholarship I hadn’t really thought of what was going to happen with my love life back then. I guess I assumed we “will make it work”.

Until one day, he said: I will always be waiting here for you…

That moment was a breakthrough. I don’t remember exactly what we were doing or the place we were at, I don’t remember if I said anything after that, but I remember what I felt, clearly. I felt as if something had sucked me out of myself, pressed pause, and made me look at myself, panicking, with my first realization that I was NOT coming back. I knew I wanted to go out of our small city but I hadn’t really thought about what after that, yet. That feeling of certainty is still so clear in my body, I didn’t exactly know what to do back then… but now, I know to trust myself when I get to feel like that, it’s a powerful moment that helps me start shifting gears, sometimes with ease although most of the time with some grieving and healing work to do, trusting that I DO know what I have to do…

Breakthrough #2

Fast-forwarding 9 years later… with about 4 years working as an engineer, I was eager to see the world.

As a Mexican living close to the border with the USA I had the opportunity to drive to some of the big cities in Texas a couple of times during my childhood, we didn’t really ever have money for big vacations so nature and the farm had always been our go-to for school breaks but finally, when I was 19, with lots of sacrifices from my mom, I got on my first flight ever, an exchange semester in Canada. Gratitude is what I feel from that.

Later on, after working in Mexico for a few years and after saving as much as I could I was eager for two things, I wanted to do a Master’s and I wanted to see the world!

I got accepted for a Master’s program in Europe, a program that would at least be taking part in 3 different countries, I was over the moon. I had done it…again… I was so proud of myself but most of all I was happy, truly happy. Before leaving, I spent a few weeks at my mom’s. As I was packing, my mom, lovingly helping me, asked me with a hint of curiosity: “Aren’t you scared?”… my heart stopped for a second, her question truly got me, it stopped time, I remember that moment as if I hit pause… I went into my head and my whole body felt it…  and  I – capital I –  asked myself: “Are you scared?”… and I realized I was… I was scared.

No one in my family had ever been to Europe, or to the other side of the Atlantic or Pacific for that matter. Other than some friends, I didn’t really have anyone too close to relate to. I didn’t really know what to expect but at the same time, I realized I wanted it so badly that I couldn’t not go. I had to take that risk.

I do remember what I told my mom, I told her: I am scared, but I am more scared of not going.

Not going was completely out of the question, not going felt agonizing… terrifying, and suffocating. And those two years abroad ended up being the best of my life.

Looking back, I am so glad she asked because it gave me the opportunity to stop for at least a second to notice what I was feeling, to feel my why, to confirm my reasons, and to feel my feelings. In a way, when I think of these two breakthroughs, I think of them as my stepping stones to trust myself, to live in the present, to notice, to ask with curiosity…

Breakthrough #3

Now, the next one is a little funny…

I have a friend that likes expensive sunglasses, she has more than a few pairs and I just couldn’t understand it. I truly, truly believed you could ONLY have one pair of good sunglasses, regardless of whether you could afford more than one or not. I knew that’s what I did. In spite of being able to afford more than one brand pair, I always only had one at a time and I could not buy myself another one until that pair had already run its course for at least a few years…

I like running. Running helps me think… and one day, just out of the blue, I asked myself, why do you think you can only have one pair? I mean, I didn’t believe that about clothes or shoes… And it dawned on me… you see when we used to drive and take trips to Texas my mom VERY excitedly would buy a pair of sunglasses and she would take extremely good care of them. She usually was a little careless with some things but with her sunglasses, she was so careful, and she made sure we, the kids, would not touch them.

I didn’t understand back then, but she probably sacrificed buying herself other things to be able to buy them. She truly couldn’t afford a second pair and couldn’t replace them often either. She loved them but couldn’t have more than one, so her attention and care for them made me believe what I believed without her ever trying to purposely instill that in me.

I remember exactly where I was running that day. I stopped suddenly but not abruptly and I started walking… I smiled to myself. It was my first conscious realization of what a limiting belief was and how I had formed that idea without anyone ever telling me exactly what I believed.

It might sound silly, but I like to go back to that feeling when I feel I’m getting too hung up on an idea and I ask myself, “Why? Why do you believe that? Where is it coming from?” … it helps me to use critical thinking with compassion and empathy + I smile every time I remind myself of that story. And no, I didn’t go and buy more sunglasses but I stopped feeling that I was restricted to just one and that feeling is the most liberating.

Breakthrough #4

After 15 years of working as an engineer, manager, and leader in engineering I started having second thoughts. I realized I didn’t really want what I wanted when I was 23 anymore. I didn’t want to be the best at it any longer. I didn’t want to be a great leader of an organization. I didn’t want to help the world be better through engineering. I didn’t want to keep chasing corporate success. It was fascinating and interesting, yes, but it didn’t make me happy any longer and I just couldn’t accept it. I was mad it didn’t make me happy.

I was already a mom and my priorities had changed but it was so damn hard to shift gears, I felt I was a coward, a quitter, a liar, a failure… I had already been thinking about it and once COVID hit, I really wanted to quit, to be with my family. My kids were little and struggling badly but I just couldn’t make a decision.  I started therapy and after months of fighting my demons, my therapist said something that became a mantra: It’s ok to change your mind.

It’s ok to change your mind….

As with my other breakthroughs, I remember the feeling. It was as if someone had taken a huge backpack full of rocks off my shoulders, as if after a long time of holding my breath I could finally breathe and walk lighter, with peace. As if I could then start taking care of my family without guilt.

It’s ok to change your mind…

But for months I had been feeling as if my 38-year-old self had been trying to convince my 23-year-old self that we had already accomplished a lot and that was ok, it was more than ok, it was great… but she was really, really concerned about what other people would say. We haven’t “gotten to the top,” we haven’t done all the things we said we were gonna do!

My younger me was mad, she kept on telling me how fake I was, and how disappointed she was in me. She was not done… but when I was able to compassionately tell myself it’s ok to change your mind… it’s ok… it’s ok, I got you… I cried, I grieved, I walked her through the healing, and I allowed myself to set new goals.

It made me realize how we can be very empathetic with other people and how I could love others no matter what, but I couldn’t do that for myself.

I had never put all these in writing, I trust my process is inspiring and helpful in your path, I trust we can sit down with our curiosity, empathy and compassion to let us be who we came to be for this world. Hoping that every step we make, helps us to be better.