“I Don’t Know” is Your Superpower
Written By: Melissa Centers
We all know them: the people who spend a lot of time and energy trying to tell you how much they know. Self-declared experts with the typical communication style that leads with “I’m so awesome. Have I told you how awesome I am?” Translation: “I know everything and I’ve done it all.”
But what if we all considered leading with curiosity? Instead of setting out to prove what we know, accept the likelihood that there is probably a lot more that we do not know: facts, context, other ideas or ways of doing things, etc.
Even with our advanced degrees or years of experience, we cannot know everything.
But why are we all so intent on trying to hide that?
“I don’t know” creates the opportunity to learn and grow
How can we put curiosity into action? By asking questions of everyone at every level and valuing those responses equally.
Things like:
- Why do we do it this way?
- How does that work?
- How would you approach this problem?
- What are the risks of your solution and how would you address them?
- How can we address this differently and more efficiently?
- Are there new technologies that might enable the same result?
One of the tips I share with students that I mentor as they enter the workforce:
Pretend you are a journalist trying to “break” a major story. Act with a sense of urgency. Ask thoughtful questions that are open-ended enough to allow discovery to happen. Pretend you know less than you know, and if you know nothing, even better! Continuously refine your understanding through interaction so that when you try to explain it to your grandma, you can do it in a way that your grandma understand.
In addition, by modeling the behavior of admitting what you don’t know, you are empowering others to do the same, ensuring that you get more accurate and unvarnished information in the first place. Combine this transparent team dynamic with the opportunity to learn the unknown together and you have a recipe for exceptional performance.
But curiosity is more than just expanding understanding. What is the “long game” related to being curious? The development of a more well-rounded understanding and critical transferable skill sets.
These transferable skill sets have to come from somewhere. Usually, it is exposure to new areas and ideas, responsibility for different functions, and the ability to issue spot effectively by asking the right questions of the right people. All of these start from a place of not knowing and a comfort with inexperience. However, once the new talents are in place, you will be better prepared for that coveted executive job.
“One of the most critical leadership skills is approaching the world with curiosity.”
“I don’t know” protects you from assumptions
I’ll give you a hint:
One of the easiest ways to avoid assumptions is to start with the premise that you don’t know everything. You will be amazed at how many things you assumed that aren’t true at all. The number of businesses that make bad strategic decisions, end up underwater, pay large fines, miss critical opportunities by not listening to customers, or fail altogether based on poor assumptions is staggering.
Instead, as is so common in leadership texts but still rarely done: ask questions, listen carefully, and ask more questions based on what you hear. With each clarifying question, everyone in the conversation is more likely to arrive at a common understanding. That common understanding can enable better results, and more team engagement along the way.
“I don’t know” shows confidence and is the ultimate cure for imposter syndrome
What is it? Imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is characterized by an individual “feel[ing] that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think—and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them.”
Did you know…
And “there is now a mountain of evidence that men experience imposter syndrome just as much as women.”
Most leadership experts suggest things like getting a mentor, finding a supportive environment to work in, and reassessing how we view our skills in context as critical tools for overcoming imposter syndrome.
However, I suggest embracing your “I don’t know” and allowing it to relieve the other symptoms. No one probably knows; they are all just pretending that they do to impress someone else, and they are all secretly worried that someone is going to discover their “secret.” That’s a lot of energy to waste on worry and apprehension about being discovered. If you recast that mindset to embrace your own “I don’t know,” you can rededicate your energy to the value of discovery and the fringe benefits that come from being a curious person.
“There is no silver bullet to leadership, just like there isn’t a silver bullet in strategy.”
“I don’t know” can protect your brand (and your company)
In so many business failures, there is a lack of “I don’t know” around key areas of the business, including understanding customers. Remember Laura Ashley? And what about my high school employer, Radio Shack? How might things have been different if their leadership had admitted what they didn’t know, put on their journalist hats and just listened?
“I don’t know” enables the team to thrive
About the author » Melissa Centers
Melissa Centers is a board member, consultant, and attorney who provides strategic advice in a variety of disciplines to boards, executives, and companies of all sizes. Before entering private practice, Melissa was the Senior Vice President, General Counsel, and Corporate Secretary at State Auto Insurance, a $2 billion publicly traded insurance company. She has also held executive roles in IT, communications, marketing, human resources, government affairs, audit, and of course, legal and compliance. When not helping clients, Melissa is a writing enthusiast and teacher. You can check out her business blog below.
LinkedIn: /melissa-centers | Blog: Prep Over Coffee
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